ere's a cuplle

An Irishman applies for a job as a farrier
the blacksmith askes him if he has ever shooed a horse
he replies!
No but i once told a donkey to fuuck off.

Q What key opens all locks
A A Pikey

A rugby league fan is drinking in a Yorkshire bar, when he gets a call on his mobile phone.
He hangs up, grinning from ear to ear, and orders a round of drinks for everybody in the bar, announcing his wife has just given birth to a typical Yorkshire baby boy weighing 25 pounds.
Nobody can believe that any new baby can weigh in at 25 pounds, but the rugby fan just shrugs and replies, “That's about average in Yorkshire... like I said, my boy's a typical Yorkshire baby boy. Gonna be a rugby league player.”
Congratulations showered him from all around, amid many exclamations of “WOW!” One woman actually fainted due to sympathy pains.
Two weeks later, he returns to the bar. The bartender says, “Say, aren't you the father of that typical Yorkshire baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth? Everybody's been making bets about how big he'd be in two weeks. So, how much does he weigh now?”
The proud father answers, “Twenty pounds.”
The bartender is puzzled, concerned and a little suspicious. “What happened? He already weighed 25 pounds the day he was born!”
The Yorkshireman takes a slow swig of his Samuel Smith's, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans into the bartender and proudly says, “Had him circumcised...”

One day a Jew, a Hindu, and a Celtic supporter all arrived at their hotel to find that there had been a mix-up with the bookings, and that there was only one room left for them to share. The manager explained that this room only had two beds, but that there was a barn at a neighbouring farm which the farmer, an old friend of his, would let one of them sleep in free of charge.
They complained a bit, but since there was nowhere else to go, the Jew graciously said he'd sleep in the barn. The Hindu and the Celtic supporter were just settling down to sleep in their room, when there was a knock on the door. It was the Jew.
'I'm sorry,' he said, 'but there's a pig in that barn and because I'm Jewish I feel uncomfortable about sharing the barn with it.' 'No problem,' said the Hindu. 'I'll sleep out there instead.' So off he went to the barn, leaving the Celtic supporter and the Jew to share the room.
They were just settling down to sleep, when there was a knock on the door. It was the Hindu. 'I'm sorry,' he said, 'but there's a cow in that barn and because I'm a Hindu I feel uncomfortable about sharing the barn with it.'
The Celtic supporter grudgingly agreed to give up his bed and stomped off to the barn leaving the Jew and the Hindu to share the room. The Jew and the Hindu were just settling down to sleep, when there was a knock on the door.
It was the cow and the pig.