How to avoid Troll attack - init

That's rite Sir Nicko - Scared shitless they run away with much speedscreaming - Not surprising really as Trolls like nothing better than to have their wicked way with female gender people especially womenly girlies - The offspring of these illicit and highly illegal acts of regeneration,as it were, always had dreadful things wrong with them such as, huge heads multiple limbs excessive body hair ( we're talking allover init ) Huge feet with webbed toes and hands like shovels - Once born these Trollines ( as they're known ) grow rapidly, so rapidly in fact that within 1 year they are fully grown and ready to breed.

How to avoid being attacked by a Troll - Never go out after dark - Never walk over a hump back bridge or Bruge, as they call them, alone - Allways carry a 12 guage shotgun loaded with SG special load magnum - Carry a whistle at all times - Don't eat strawberry jam as it attracts the buggers - Never go out during pancake day as this is when they are at they're most powerful - The ancients knew this and renamed it shewve Tunsday in the vain hope that this subterfuge would scare them orf - However it was a complete phukking failure and worse the smell of pancakes being cooked by the ton and the liberal use of jam syrup & honey, all substances beloved by Trolls, attracted them like never before init.

Authors note : Trolls of course don't exist as anyone in their rite mind knows - However if they did you would be well advised to follow the guide lines herewithsetforthin - Should you have been effected by anything which has either been stated inferred or hinted at - Counciling is availiable @ JJ Wilsons House on Mondays from 09-00 - 14-00 hrs - Thankyou.

Hello all stations - this is 10 Romeo October - over ( somewhere off the northwest coast of Scroatland laying at 40 fathoms the missile boat Red Septober waits - The task force has reached the predesignated start line / FUP and after evaluating the threat from the dissident Trolls of Lockeil - The phukkers have dug in and are in depth - All major roads leading north have been closed by extensive use of "Trollmining techniques" This is when the Trolls undermine roads and bruges so they collapse rendering the public way "impassable" init - Patrols have been briefed and tasked to locate known Troll positions. The plan : To locate and destroy the Troll concentration in and around Lockeil - The operational name will be "The Gathering At Locheil - Obviously referring to the Trolls gathering there init - The troops are dug in and enjoying pork sausages for tea a luxury bought and paid for by Prince Charles of the Bonny Variety ( hidden underground in 1747 just in case ) Knowing full well that the Trolls will smell the sausages as they fry in the pans and the prevailing wind wafts the delicious aroma in their direction in the hope that they will be driven insane with desire to devour the succulent porky beauts - If they cannot resist the temptation and break cover then the order will be given to RED SEPTOBER to launch her missiles at them phukkingemup bigtime pal - Then victorious march south to thunderous applause and acclaimation from a grateful nation - Hooray WHOA !!

Don't get carried away mush the patrols arn't back yet so lets not start giving each other blow jobs just yet init - orders have to be written a strategy developed & planning accomplished orders issued & so and so forth - phew I need a break

Igitur qui desiderat pacem, praeparet bellum

octavian wrote:Hello all stations - this is 10 Romeo October - over ( somewhere off the northwest coast of Scroatland laying at 40 fathoms the missile boat Red Septober waits - The task force has reached the predesignated start line / FUP and after evaluating the threat from the dissident Trolls of Lockeil - The phukkers have dug in and are in depth - All major roads leading north have been closed by extensive use of "Trollmining techniques" This is when the Trolls undermine roads and bruges so they collapse rendering the public way "impassable" init - Patrols have been briefed and tasked to locate known Troll positions. The plan : To locate and destroy the Troll concentration in and around Lockeil - The operational name will be "The Gathering At Locheil - Obviously referring to the Trolls gathering there init - The troops are dug in and enjoying pork sausages for tea a luxury bought and paid for by Prince Charles of the Bonny Variety ( hidden underground in 1747 just in case ) Knowing full well that the Trolls will smell the sausages as they fry in the pans and the prevailing wind wafts the delicious aroma in their direction in the hope that they will be driven insane with desire to devour the succulent porky beauts - If they cannot resist the temptation and break cover then the order will be given to RED SEPTOBER to launch her missiles at them phukkingemup bigtime pal - Then victorious march south to thunderous applause and acclaimation from a grateful nation - Hooray WHOA !!

Don't get carried away mush the patrols arn't back yet so lets not start giving each other blow jobs just yet init - orders have to be written a strategy developed & planning accomplished orders issued & so and so forth - phew I need a break

Igitur qui desiderat pacem, praeparet bellum

Hello Red Octember - Hello Red Octember - This is Trollbash Hotel Queabec 0 9 Alpha init over -- pause -- Romeo Octember Romeo Octember come in - over ( for phukksake sir there is no response init - whispering ) Try them again says General Hewlett-Packard C O of the task force. - Radio Operator - Hello Red Octember Hello Red Octember do you read - OVER ? White noise a bit of sssshhhhhh sppptt - pause - Red October - send OVER - Thank phukk for that init - varification code "Trollbash" I say again varification code "Trollbash" - OVER -- Roger that prepare to launch varification code "Trollbash" Launch launch launch - Launching now out ---------------- WhOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOsh Boooooooooooooooooommm !!!

Ok boys thats a wrap PUFO - I would like to be back to camp asap for the officers mess raffle and barn dance - Vahrooooom

Igitur qui desiderat pacem, praeparet bellum

I do not know what compass you guys work off but it's phucked, there's been a group of us 'former Royal' watching your 'naval tactics' from barry budden' for the last few days. You actually need OUR help to HELP you out of a sticky sit rep yer phucked up the tay wi-out a paddle,. Let us help/ ---------over.

legscott86 wrote:I do not know what compass you guys work off but it's phucked, there's been a group of us 'former Royal' watching your 'naval tactics' from barry budden' for the last few days. You actually need OUR help to HELP you out of a sticky sit rep yer phucked up the tay wi-out a paddle,. Let us help/ ---------over.

Hello Legs - Over - Hello Legs this is sunray romeo Octember - Ref your last we have accomplished our objective and Papa uniform foxtrot october'd - I say again PUFO'D - We have no need of assistance at this time - Porjalysta dosfordana'